it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
