so that wasnt chicken after all
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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