I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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