I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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