I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
