my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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