i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
