So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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