Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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