All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just want nice things and good sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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