How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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