Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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