Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
