I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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