11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
