yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
