Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
