So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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