He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
