New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
