i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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