There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
