im six kinds of drunk right now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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