your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
