i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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