I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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