My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
