Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
