I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
