i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
