he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
