Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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