On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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