It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
