Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
