obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
