your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
