honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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