I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I AM VODKA MAN
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
