Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
