eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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