I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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