I need help removing her.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
