Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
