morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
