ya dads aren't the best wingmen
time to smoke my breakfast
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
