nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
