My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
