dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
