Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
